Saturday, July 10, 2010

Sailing away

I felt yesterday to stay close to the hospital that was holding my mama captive, was just a feeling I had. I did slip out when the room was getting full during the day hours with others to torture myself for 90 minutes rolling over pavement on a two wheel aluminum horse and came right back. Mom would have told me to go, ride your bike, was how she was.

As afternoon became evening sitting in room 317, watching my mom lay there motionless except for her breathing in and out of a oxygen mask, things felt different.

Amy my sister, so sweet of her was staying there all night so mom would not be alone. I decided to stay with her this night. Sheri my sister in law married to my brother Mark, joined us, and Amy's two young adult kids, Luke and Sam (Samantha) were also joining us, they arrived because they did not want to see their mom alone in this situation. I so admire that.

At 11:30 at night, something changed, I don't know what, I just knew something changed. I mentioned this to the "night crew" they felt so too. The nurse came in, and Sheri told her something is different with mom. The nurse took vitals, respiration rate, oxygen levels, listened to heart and lungs and told us no change.

I felt over whelmingly compelled to hold my mom's hand, it was so black and blue, so was her arms, most of her was black and blue, everything else was breaking down, cracked vertebrates, kidneys not workings she had endured so much pain over the last months. So many things just quit working. She was at her end.

I told my mama, "mama it is OK now, you can go, you can sail away, you did your job, you don't have to suffer no more, I love you more then I love life itself" I really think mom was holding on because she felt she still needs to take care of all of us, her body was not going to go along with that.

Amy now walked over and held mama's other hand, Sheri placed her hand on mom's head.

Mama's breathing slowed down, and then stopped at 11:56.

I will never be able to explain how that felt holding my mom's hand and seeing this. I laid my cheek to mama's cheek, held her hand, and cried. I am happy for mom, she sailed away to a better place, no more pain, no more suffering.

Mom was one in a billion. Eight siblings, father died when she was 3, dirt poor farmers, she never rode a bicycle in her life, never learned to swim, never drove a car. Her mother, raised those kids with love and hardwork. Mom's life was thrown into hard work for survival.

Met my father in Sept of 1946, my dad sold his car that December to buy mom a ring and became engaged Christmas day 1946, and married the next May. He said he had to take a bus to get around but she was worth it. Now married 63 years.

With all my visits with mom lately, no matter how bad of shape she was in, she would not talk about it, but would want to know how you were doing.

Somehow, for some reason, I don't understand, why I should get such a gift, mom's last words on this planet were "David I love you too" I am blessed beyond measure to have had her for my mother.

I put my dirt bicycle together tonight, it was in need of part replacements. Tomorrow I ride, and I ride some more, it is supposed to rain, it doesn't matter, I want to ride in the rain, think a thousand thoughts, cry when I do, and rejoice.

Thank you everybody for you kind words and thoughts over the last days. I am so grateful, and that so helped.



Steph said...

she sounds like a strong cool lady :)

Steph said...

also... glad you were able to see her sail off.

I've been with someone in pain, watched her take her last breath- and it was almost---- peaceful- knowing she was leaving for better place... pain free... happily sailing.

Dan O said...

Wow - tough, serious stuff. Your mom sounds like she was a strong woman. I guess the good thing now is no more suffering.

Very cool the family was there right 'till end.

KungFooSausage said...

My mother died as they were moving her to another ward. They told us to go get something to eat, so none of us were at her bedside when it happened & thats a guilt trip Ive lived with for many years. My fathers passing was not very unlike your description of your mums & brings back the memories...and tears. Not a lot more I want to say except I truly feel for you and your family.

tainterturtles said...

Oh Dave, I was so glad to see you were right there when your mom passed. Thank heavens I had a box of kleenex next to me because I surely needed it. Your post was perfectly written.

Yes, that's a good idea to ride....your mom would want that!

mrbill said...

I'm thinking of you at this time, you are truly blessed, the best to you and your family.

The Big Fella said...

I'm sorry for your loss. Your stories of your mom's passing remind me of my own story 18 years ago.

I'm thankful that your mom was surrounded by those she loved when she went, and I'm thankful that you're surrounded by so many supportive friends and family.


Harry Legge's Cycling Blog said...

Beautiful words for a beautiful life.
Thanks for sharing.

Clive Chapman said...

Very moving piece mate. You should be proud of what you've written.

gnarlees said...

Very touched by your writing and thankful you were there at the end of a wonderful life.

I need to go get some kleenex.