Continously, over and over rotating the pedals around, and around, and around. Staring at the clock it says 34:45. I have been pedaling for 34 minutes and 45 seconds. It seems much longer than that. My Timex heart rate monitor, it keeps me honest. My goal is to hold 80% of my max heart rate for the entire ride. There is no easy way to do this; I have to hold the mind set of push, push, push, push, to keep my heart rate at that level for this long. I close my eyes, and keep rotating on the pedals. I don't know how much time passes, it seems like almost forever. The first thing I look at when I open my eyes is the clock. It says 38:52, only 4 more minutes have gone by.
Pedaling while standing up for a while, my heart rate drops, even though it seems like harder work, I speed up, going nowhere to increase my heart rate. I am on day 2 of my commitment, to hold this heart rate for 1.5 hours every day.
This is only being done so when the day comes and two hands can be put on the handle bars again I will be able to ride with legs that will want to finish the journeys that need to be rode.
Slipping into a daydream my heart rate drifts downward, I pick up the pace to pick my heart rate back up again and I begin to train myself to keep my heart rate up and still day dream at the same time. To be able to drift away, in my mind, go somewhere else, like the places you go when you are waiting alone for a long time in a doctor's waiting room, and yet still have my legs firing up and down continuously maintaining an intense effort.
My IPOD changes songs, high energy rock. It is my training set of songs I use for hard days on trail rides. For a moment it almost makes me think I am climbing a long hill on some trail, my bike rocking back and forth with every stroke, and I am happy to be out here and to conquer this hill.
Then I realize I am still in my basement, head almost hitting the ceiling, riding on my stationary bicycle.
My mind starts drifting off again to over 50 years ago. A small boy watches a lion pace back and forth in his cage. I think about that lion, I would watch a long time ago when my parents would take me and my brothers and sisters on our yearly pilgrimage to the Madison Zoo. He would always be pacing back and forth, in his jail cell. He committed no crime, he didn't belong in there, and I think he was just waiting to die. I always wished I could break him loose, and free him from that prison zoo, and he could run free once again.
I wait for the day I am out of here, and not pacing back and forth going nowhere.
The clock rolls over from 129:59 to 1:30.00. I stop pedaling immediately. Finished for the day. I will be back tomorrow and do this all over again.
I have hopes, and dreams, and a look forward to the life that is yet ahead of me. I realize there are many that their hopes and dreams don't exist anymore